Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
