just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
