I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
