did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
