On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
