I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
