So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
