She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
