Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
