my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
