Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
