Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have tasted many bathrooms
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