He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
