So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
