My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
