Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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