Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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