He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
