i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
