Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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