I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
