he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
