Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
