I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
