he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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