I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
