eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
