Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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