things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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