bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
wow bdsm is so cute
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