Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
