3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
