its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
