using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
