I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
