Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
