I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
