I got chris browned last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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