if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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