worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
