I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
