Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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