WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
