Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
