dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
