I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
