Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
