I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
