i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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