I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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