mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
