youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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