Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
