mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
