Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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