If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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