she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize