stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
