How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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