On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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