It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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