I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
