i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
