I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
